What Does Being Single Mean To Me?

The main advantage of being single is that it provides independence and freedom. I don’t have to check in with others before making a decision on how to spend my time. There is still the dream of finding a guy who will become my own Mr. Darcy (not perfect, but perfect for me). If I want to go out and do something, it’s not too difficult to find someone to join me after a few phone calls. If I want to be alone, I can go home and spend time with my cat. There is no reason to worry about a husband or boyfriend becoming jealous when I talk with a cute guy.

On the other hand, single life has its own challenges. I don’t always want to go home to an empty apartment, especially if my heart is broken and it is too late to call my friends. For me, finances and chores are the biggest challenge. It is difficult to accomplish goals with limited income and time. Sometimes, I worry about what my future holds in store for me when I am too old to take care of myself.

Over the years, I have come to realize that it doesn’t matter where we are at in life… married or single. Every situation has its own advantages and disadvantages. What matters is that we make the most of the life that we have been given.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not;
but remember that what you have was once among the things only hoped for.”
- Epicurus

Going Alone vs. Taking Someone

How does one decide whether to attend an event by oneself or to invite someone to join them?

Honestly, I believe that it depends on the situation as every situation is different. Let me give you a couple of examples...

Example #1
Several years ago, I was invited to attend my ex-boyfriend's wedding reception. Since we had graduated from the same class in high school, I knew that we would continue to see each other at class reunions and possibly other events. Also, due to business connections, I would also be doing business with his company on occasion. So, I made the decision to attend the wedding. My main reason for attending was to hold my head up high and prove to myself that life goes on. As I knew that this was going to be an emotional struggle for me, I asked one of my girl friends to attend with me. I was able to attend the reception with the support of a good friend and that meant the world to me. To this day, I am glad that I attended the wedding and took a friend with me.

Example #2
About a year after the ex-boyfriend's wedding reception, it was time for our class reunion. At this time, I wasn't dating anyone and considered asking a guy friend to go with me. The cost was about $50 per person. That is a lot of money to spend when the only reason to take someone with me is to try to put on an image that I am okay... while my ex-boyfriend is in the room with his new wife. I considered going and sitting with my married friends. Yet, I decided that the reunion didn't really mean that much to me and I made other plans for the evening. This is another decision that I am glad that I had made.

These two examples were big events in my life involving a wedding reception and a class reunion... both of which would have my ex-boyfriend in attendance. Sometimes, the big decisions seem easier to make than the small decisions.

Currently, I am debating on inviting a friend to attend a casual dinner with me... or to go alone. The dinner will be at the home of a friend whom I haven't seen in a long time. We will be eating with his wife and kids... whom I have never met before. I know that I tend to become quiet in unfamiliar settings, so it may be nice to take a friend with me. Yet, on the other hand, I haven't seen this friend in years and bringing another person with me may cause some awkwardness.

I haven't decided what I am going to do yet, but I know that whatever decision I do make - I will be happy with the results :)
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Single vs. Married Friends

So, I have been reading the book "A Single Voice" by Kristen M. Oaks. I was telling a single friend about how in the first chapter of the book. It was talking about feeling the pressure of being single from family and friends. Luckily, my family has been very good about accepting and loving me for who I am. There was a time when I felt the pressure of being single, but now that pressure is gone as I feel accepted for being me the way that I am.

Yet, with married friends, it is a different story. I have one married friend whom I love spending time with. We are close that she feels more like a sister, her husband feels like a brother-in-law, and their kids feel like my nieces and nephews :) Then, there are my married friends that when I am around them... I definitely feel the pressure of being single and uncomfortable spending a lot of time with them.

So, my 'single' friend and I were talking about why we can feel so comfortable around some married couples and not others. As we talked, I realized that some married couples only know how to talk about their spouse and their kids. Yet, the friendship that I have with my one 'married' friend is based on our own individual identity... we share similar interests and talk about these interests along with the things happening in our lives. Yes, we do talk about her family and my single life... yet, it isn't the focus of our conversations. Instead we focus on each other as an individual and the similarities that bring us together.

As I shared this insight with my 'single' friend, she reminded me that when I do get married to remember this and continue to treat my single friends as individuals... not as a single person.

No More Blind Dates

There is the saying that "truth is stranger than fiction." Well, I believe it is true in many cases.

Let me tell you about my friend who has a talent for setting me up with the wrong guys.

It started a few years ago, when she set me up with a guy whom we will call John. We became friends and would talk each Sunday at church. Once in a blue moon, we would talk on the phone and sometimes even get together to do something as friends. Little did I realize that this friendship would introduce me to finding out what it is like to have a friend in jail... and later prison. After a lot of confusion, I finally chose to take a step away from this friendship and move forward in my life.

A couple of years ago, this same friend introduced me to a guy at one of her parties. We will call this guy, Dave. Shortly, after meeting, we began to date. In the beginning, he treated me well. Yet, it didn't take long before I learned about the other girls in his life. He would tell me that the other girls were only friends. Yet, when we were on a date, one of the girls would usually call him. Not only did he answer the phone and talk with her for an extended period of time, but he would also tell me to be quiet for he didn't want her to know that he was with a girl. Everytime I began to walk away from the relationship, he would start talking about marriage and how I am the most important girl in his life. I finally walked away for several months. Since we were in the same ward, we saw each other every week and eventually became friends. Even so, the same things would happen all over again. I finally walked away for good about 9 months ago. Shortly afterwards, he eloped and moved away. Occasionally, he will still send me a text message with a holiday greeting.... which I just delete. I haven't received a text for a couple of months now, so hopefully he is out of my life now.

Well, they also say that the "3rd time is the charm"... but not in this case. This same friend of mine was afraid to go on a blind date, so she asked me to go with her and make it a double date. Of course, I obliged. I was really uncomfortable with my date. Luckily, my friend had similar feelings and we didn't stay long. Since then, I have recently discovered that this guy has been arrested and is currently sitting in jail waiting for a trial.

Another popular saying is "3 strikes - you're out." With everything that has happened, I have decided that this friend is no longer allowed to set me up with guys anymore. It has definitely been an interesting ride!!!